


all your emotions

by peachsneakers



Series: preservation of the self [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Patton doesn't just feel the good emotions, no matter how hard he tries.





	all your emotions

He's supposed to be happy. He knows this. He's supposed to be the happy-go-lucky, fun-loving, dad joke-cracking side, the one who bakes cookies and reminds Thomas of all his happy memories and calms Virgil down when he's having a panic attack and attempts to be the go-between when Logan and Roman are fighting yet again.

And he _is_ that, he _does_ do all of those things and more, but that isn't _all_ he is, and sometimes that...scares him.

He doesn't want to remember being sad.

He doesn't want to dwell on all the silly, stupid, little things, like the embarrassment that coursed through their body when Thomas accidentally hit a shelf with his shopping cart. It didn't hurt anything, but it _happened_ and it was in front of _people_. Virgil had an anxiety attack on the spot, but he's not the only one whose breathing was a little shaky and whose heart couldn't stop pounding.

It's silly, though. It has to be. _Patton_ can't get anxious. That's Virgil's job. _Patton_ can't get depressed.

He looks down at his arms, misty in the dim haze of nostalgia that perpetually fills his room, and grimaces. His skin is covered in scratches, the indents of his fingernails standing out in sharp crescents. There's no blood- it barely even hurts anymore- but he knows this isn't right. He's caught Virgil hurting himself before. He knows what self harm is. He spent hours calming Virgil down.

It's not like he can _talk_ to anyone. Who would he talk to? There is no fanciful monster for Roman to slay. There is no logic in wanting to harm yourself. Pain shared only doubles it, and he can't do that to Virgil. He _certainly_ can't tell Thomas. Remus would probably only give him more ideas (the thought of jumping out of a moving car fills his head and Patton grimaces).

No, there's only one person he can think of that might be able to provide... _something_. Isn't it fitting that it would be his counterpart? Patton sits down on the floor, fussing with the sleeves of his cardigan.

"Deceit?" He speaks hesitantly, unsure if speaking the side's name will summon him. It doesn't always work on the others, especially not in the mind space. He has no idea how the Dark Sides, as Roman's named them, work.

"Well," a dark voice purrs from the doorway. "This isn't a surprise at all, _Patton_."

"Deceit," Patton acknowledges. The man with half a snake face moves in closer, his cape swirling around him. He cuts a dashing presence, although Patton would never admit it in Roman's hearing.

"I definitely don't want to know what you want," Deceit drawls, elegantly sinking to the floor across from Patton.

"I-" Patton fidgets, biting his lip. "Well, you see, it's like this." He stalls again. Now that he actually _has_ Deceit here, he has no idea what to say. "Never mind," he mumbles. "This was just a silly old mistake. Sorry to bother you."

"Falsehood," Deceit says coolly, the 's' in the word lingering just a bit too long. "You, of all people, should know that you _can't lie around me_. Now what's wrong?"

Patton doesn't say anything. He can't. Instead, he holds his arms out, forearms up, so Deceit can see the angry, puffy, red scrawls of irritation across the paleness of his skin. Deceit inspects his arms without saying anything. Patton's heart beats faster, his own anxiety beginning to build. He hopes it isn't enough to affect Virgil. Virgil doesn't deserve to have to deal with his stuff, too.

"You know," Deceit begins casually. "You are absolutely the only person struggling right now and the others would definitely _not_ want to hear that you're going through a tough time, because they totally don't know and understand that you aren't just happy emotions, Patton. Why would you deserve a happy ending, after all."

"I-" Patton blinks rather owlishly. "How did you-" Deceit rolls his eyes. The yellow one blazes that much brighter.

"Really, Patton?" He asks. "I'm the other side of you. I know more than the others about you. Give me _some_ credit, would you?"

"Thank you, Deceit," Patton says sincerely. Deceit scoffs and looks away.

"Whatever," he says.


End file.
